You may think Trent Dilfer has been a pretty lucky guy when it comes to football. He’s got a cushy gig at ESPN where he gets to shout at you about why he’s better at everything than everybody basically because he was lucky enough to get signed by a team who had one of the best defenses of all time and he didn’t screw anything up bad enough to cost the Ravens winning the Super Bowl. Because of this luck, according to ESPN, he’s an expert.
Forget that the guy never had a completion percentage above 60%; his career-high for a season is 59.8% which he attained three times – 1999 with Tampa Bay, 2001 with Seattle, and 2005 with Cleveland. Or that he threw 113 touchdowns and 129 interceptions. He played one season on a team that was already pretty decent, and after they got their rings, they must not have truly realized his value because they traded him immediately. That was sarcasm, if you didn’t pick up on it.
Now we’re fortunate enough to listen to Dilfer on television and radio pick apart why every quarterback not named Dilfer sucks and why we should only listen to former quarterbacks named Dilfer because they are so great and all-knowing. Well, he sort of does have some knowledge of throwing picks and lying on his back, so I will credit him there.
The lucky Super Bowl XXXV winning QB thinks Kyle Orton is a “very, very good quarterback”. Sure, if he’s comparing Orton to himself? Yeah I’ll give him credit on that
too. He also said Sam Bradford is “not even close to the best player in the draft” and Jimmy Clausen was best prepared to take over a team. Some of you may not know this, so I’ll let you in on a little secret that Dilfer, to my knowledge, hasn’t brought up since:
Bradford led the Rams to almost making the playoffs (after going 1-15 in 2009), missing by one game, and was name Offensive Rookie of the Year, while Clausen drove the Panthers into having the worst record of 2010. They did, however, end up drafting Cam Newton – so the season wasn’t all a loss I guess.
Believe it or not, I’m pretty sure I’m solely responsible for anything good that came to the guy in his career. You see, back in 1997 my then-husband, Chris, and I attended the December 21st game against the Bears as part of a company Christmas party. I’ll preface the rest of this story by saying I was not yet 21, but was slightly buzzed after a pre-party,
party bus, and the Old Sombrero’s lack of monitoring underage alcohol consumption.
We sat in the end zone, and in the first quarter, Dilfer and the Bucs were directly in front of us inside the 10. The stadium was quiet due to a stoppage of play, which I took as an opportune time to shout at the top of my lungs, “Hey Trent – you %#$^&@? suck, you %#$^&@? %#$$%”, the ball got snapped and the idiot ran it in for his first and only rushing touchdown of the season. He also threw a touchdown later to Karl Williams, who also returned a punt for a TD and set a Bucs record for punt return yardage with 116. Warrick Dunn set a franchise record of his own that day with a 76 yard run, the longest in Bucs history.
I was wearing my Reidel Anthony #15 Bucs jersey (shown in this post) and while he was waiting for a kick return during a commercial break I did get him to Gator chomp at me.
He didn’t get a lot of yards on the return, or set any records, but it still was pretty awesome. That also happened to be the last game played at the old Tampa/Houlihan’s Stadium before it would become a parking lot for Raymond James (Oh, for the record, I don’t ever remember it officially being called Houlihan’s Stadium. I bet you’d be hard pressed to find anyone that would. I think it’s just something the Glazer’s came up with after the fact).
After the game, Trent said “I think this is the day I’ll remember my entire career. I’m proud to be a Buccaneer.” I like to think it’s all because of me and my words of inspiration. Trent hung around Tampa Bay for a couple more seasons before heading to Baltimore to win that Super Bowl I told you about earlier. Looking back, my expletive filled words of condemnation encouragement was probably the building blocks for the rest of Trent’s successful career, which led him to ESPN and into your hearts heads.
You’re welcome, America, for giving you someone on ESPN other than Craig James to hate.