Muschamp Intensity Meter

Guest Post from “The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman”. He can be found on twitter as well, @UnsportsmanGent.

We all know Will Muschamp is an intense guy, but just how intense? This meter will help you gauge his intensity throughout the season.

 

Level 1: Calm, but extremely alert. Can hear photosynthesis occurring. Can see air. Looking for someone to try him. Hasn’t had his coffee yet.

When is he this intense: Sleeping, eating breakfast, reading the paper, taking questions from the media, staring matches, ordering food, fishing.

 

Levels 2-3: Excited. Frightens his children when congratulating them. “WAY TO GO, JACKSON! YOU KNOCKED THAT OUT OF THE PARK! DON’T CRY, SON! THIS IS HOW I CLAP! I’M SO GODDAMN PROUD OF YOU, BOY!” Also, how he looks killing a fly.

 

When is he this intense: Kids little league games, watching game film, making a sandwich, duck hunting.

 

Levels 4-6: Just getting warmed up. Does some screaming exercises. Yells ten BOOM MOTHERFUCKERs into a mirror. Moving into his comfort zone. Really needs to hit something.

When is he this intense: Opening kickoff, eating a steak, anytime he hears Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Fortunate Son”, boar hunting.

 

Levels 7-8: A fist-tornado warning has been issued for the Gainesville area. A fist-tornado was spotted touching down near Ben Hill Griffin Stadium. This fist-tornado is capable of producing high winds, knuckles of fury, spittle, and extreme pain. Seek shelter in the middle of your home.

 

When is he this intense: Defense allows more than zero points, Watching MMA, taking a dump, playing Monopoly, buck hunting.

 

Level 9: Spontaneous cranial bleeding. Not a single fuck is given.

 

When is he this intense: After losses, lion hunting.

 

Level 10: Total adrenaline overload. Levitation achieved. Blissful rage. His “Happy Place”. Orgasm imminent.

When is he this intense: Rivalry games, sex, hunting the deadliest game–man.

 

 

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34 Responses to Muschamp Intensity Meter

  1. Pingback: Muschamp Intensity Meter

  2. Nathan says:

    im a wvu fan and came across this….thats pretty funny stuff…..the bleeding thing made me laugh outloud….so did his taking a dump being at a high level of intensity (terrible mental pic but funny nonetheless)

  3. Travis says:

    Brilliant! My buddy linked this on Facebook, and I am so glad I clicked it.

    “This fist-tornado is capable of producing high winds, knuckles of fury, spittle, and extreme pain.”

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  5. DRU2012 says:

    I love this. Laugh-out-loud-hard-funny.
    But:
    I am SO GLAD he is our coach.
    (Smarter than Meyer, more intense than Spurrier: he will be HATED.
    There will be blood.)

  6. jax gator says:

    Boom Mofo!

  7. T says:

    My gator buddy posted this to Facebook. I am a huge Nole. This had me rolling…

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  9. Dave says:

    To be fair, I also get Level 6 intense while eating steak.

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  11. Paul Sjoberg says:

    Check out the Muschamp Stare. Hilarious. You can get a shirt to scare the crap out of our opponents here… http://bourbonmeyer.spreadshirt.com

    GO GATORS!!!

  12. What? says:

    Dude, that was funny

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  14. gatortown says:

    Note to Jeremy-

    Get a gene sample now.
    Don’t lose Steves’

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  17. you will lose says:

    your coach went to Georgia
    you will lose next weekend
    gators suck

  18. Frank Orgel says:

    I coached him as a player at Ga. and he played and practiced the same way. I really love him. he will win at Fla. Don’t try to underatand him, just love him.

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  20. Mark Richt says:

    Hey Florida,

    Thanks for doing me a solid and hiring Muschump to coach your team. Blowing yesterday’s 17-3 lead, combined with the departure of Demps and Rainey, and few recruits in sight, I can safely say I’m going to own this clown until you replace him in a fit of desperation with someone even worse.

    XOXO,

    CMR

    P.S. I just had an idea. Maybe you can promote Weis to be your HC! Give him a big contract like Notre Dame did, one that’s almost impossible to get out of. I’d like to make this one a Dawg Decade.

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  24. Willie C. says:

    Muschamp has been a very lucky coach in 2012. He caught A&M early, his players played over their head against LSU….FSU remains ACC caliber….lets face it, blocking a punt against Lafayette hyphen Louisiana….scoring late against Jacksonville State to make it 23-0…these are the games that fans should be concerned. To win National Championships, one must play at a high level, well-prepared EVERY game. The Gators have talent….not sure having a lunatic as a HC makes for Champions…..UF could have done better….way better, and eventually they will. Go Gators!

  25. Willie C. says:

    Oh, 1 more thing…..why are all these pictures of him as the DC at Texas? Just askin’.

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